28 weeks

how far along are you? 28 weeks

maternity clothes? I tried to shop for maternity jeans this weekend. It just made me angry. There was no maternity stores within 50 miles of me and we finally decided to try Macy's. They only had a teeny tiny little corner of their store with middle-aged mom clothes (which is cool, if you're a middle aged mom. But I'm not. Soooo.) and about 3 different jean washes. But I thought I'd give them a chance and try some on. Nope. The XS in all 3 styles was about 4 sizes too big on me (saggy butt, saggy knees, saggy thighs, saggy ankles) and a foot too long (cuz 5'1'' problems). I'm never an XS in my pre-maternity jeans! Why is the whole maternity world obese and tall and ginormous!! But I had some success in tops, at Forever 21 of all places (not that they even have a maternity section, cuz HEAVEN FORBID a 21 year old is pregnant -_____- ) but I just sized up to a large in several loose shirts and I'm quite excited about them. Sooo..... leggings are the only thing on the menu for the next 3 months on my legs. I guess not a bad thing, but every now and then I'd like to look a little nicer?

sleep: Weird dreams out the wazoo. About the randomest people. I had a dream the other night that Derek went away (I dont know where, but it felt permanent) and I was suddenly married to Chris Soules from the Bachelor last year. Not that I don't like the guy, but it's not Derek and he seems kinda vanilla for me. I kept asking Chris about all these things Derek and I liked or used to do like, 

me: "so do you like rock climbing?"

Chris: "no, I think it's boring and dangerous."

me: "will you watch Rom Com's with me?"

Chris: "No way! I like my action movies too much"

me: "will you do the dishes for me when I really really don't want to?"

Chris: "no, that's a woman's job"

I woke up thinking "I MISS DEREK!!!" and super depressed and sad and he wasn't even home to hug. :( Not my favorite morning.

best moments: Derek loooves to mush his face in my belly and talk to the baby. I just picture his big voice on a loud speaker in the womb so I always tell him to talk softer haha. He also likes to tap his fingers gently somewhere on my belly and about 70% of the time, she will kick back! It's so cute and amazing. They already have a great relationship. :)

missing anything? Not feeling like a Large Marge. And not having an itchy stomach and bosoms. And seeing what my hooha looks like. And sushi.

movement? Indeed. And at the sweetest times, too. Just when I realize she hasn't moved in a while and I get anxious, she gives me some nudges. Or when I'm bored in a work meeting and she kicks my hands resting on my belly or has a dance party and I can just watch my stomach move.

food cravings/aversions: Strawberries and brownies and chocolate covered mini donuts. Lots of sugar, which is weird for me, since I usually like salty foods more. PB+J sounds good a lot of the time too. Or sugared cereal. I made baked potatoes tonight for dinner cuz we needed to eat the potatoes but I was not feeling it. Had to kind of force myself to eat it.

 

queasy or sick? Not too bad lately. If nausea comes, I just sit and meditate on the toilet (prepared for the worst) and it usually goes away.

gender: I hope its still a girl. I've got my baby registry filled with girl things. So if it's a boy, he better like pink.

symptoms: Still achy in upper right abdomen. I can't really lay in bed on my right side cuz it makes it hurt too much. And of course, allllllll the itchiness. But it feels like a sunburn cuz after I have a crazy scratching session, it hurts like the dickens. I need to stop. I've been putting 49 lotions and potions on my body to try and help so my morning routine time has about doubled.

belly in or belly out? Top half out, bottom half in

 

stretch marks: Some small ones on my bosoms, none on belly yet.

happy or moody? Happy but anxious and stressed

looking forward to: Girls weekend this Fri and Sat. Also, getting my baby shower dress in the mail. And meeting this little kicker! I want to know what she looks like!!!!

Since it's my last week of second trimester, I guess I should start doing this...

how far along are you? 27 weeks

maternity clothes? Not really. I size up on any shirts I get, which is working pretty well. I wear my regular leggings and skirts, jeans I can still use the hair tie trick but it's pretty uncomfortable to sit down. I need to get some maternity jeans, but I can't buy jeans online and I haven't had a chance to go to the Maternity store an hour and a half away yet. -____-

sleep: Some nights are not so great, waking up every hour for no reason (not even for bathroom) and other nights are better. And other nights are so so soooo much better.

best moments: Baby kicks and rollllllsss now. And Derek can feel too! He loves her so much already and it's adorable. And my nausea seems to have tamed down in the morning! (knock on wood)

missing anything? Having one chin. And not having at least 49 ailments every day. And skiing :(

movement? Yes! A bunch! I always try and figure out what body part is kicking and sliding across.

food cravings: Strawberries and bubblegum ice cream
 

queasy or sick? There are days (a lot) that I feel 'off' until noon. Usually when I wake up early on those days for work, even if I go to bed super early. But when I get to sleep in, I feel so much better all day. (I truly am not a morning person at all.)

gender: girl. all the bows and sparkles.

symtoms: Achy persistent pain all day in my upper abdomen and into upper back. Like aches around my bra height and slightly lower that feel like a bruise. And some pretty bad numbness in the same upper abdomen area. You could give me a shot there and I probably wouldn't feel it. But the doctor wasn't concerned, so I guess I'm not either? Just hope it goes away after birth.

belly in or belly out? Half

happy or moody? Happy with bouts of anxiety and apprehension

looking forward to: My birthday on Saturday! Wooo DSW and Red Lobster!!

First and Second Trimester

Precursor: This is in no way trying to be ungrateful for being pregnant and bearing children. I am just keeping record of my own experience, for myself. You can read along if you like, but if I come off as whiny, but I'm just writing my own realities and experiences, with the knowledge and hope that this baby and the joy of long term motherhood is going to be worth all of it.

First trimester really wasn't bad. Everyone warned me about morning sickness and fatigue but I never had either of those and felt fine. One of the first symptoms I remember having was extreme, insatiable, demonic hunger. Although my intense hunger was frustrating because nothing sounded good. I had no cravings, nothing in the whole world made me excited to eat. So eating was more of a chore to ward off any impending nausea (because I would get pretty nauseous if I waited too long to eat). I always always had to bring a purse full of food anywhere I went for fear of a hunger, nausea emergency when its too late and I can't get food in fast enough. So carting all that food around in my purse made my purse smell bad even though everything was in ziplocks or wrappers. -___- I also thought I was in the clear for my nausea after 12-14 weeks because that's when everyone says general morning sickness stops.
But second trimester, boyyy was I wrong. The day after Christmas (20 weeks) I got super nauseous (even after eating breakfast and lunch!) and had dry heaves over the toilet. It only lasted a few minutes but I felt nauseous and overheated, and just 'off' a little for the rest of the day. This pattern continued for the next couple weeks, of eating as soon as I woke up, but still getting nauseous and dry heaves (no vomiting tho, I hate vomiting so much, I just have a strong reflex to automatically swallow my saliva that's coming up). So that was miserable and I hated getting ready for work in the early morning when my nausea would be worse. It seemed to not be as bad on days I could sleep in later. 
The rest of second trimester was way worse than first trimester unlike what everyone says. I feel so whiny because I'd always have several things bothering me about my body and it would change everyday, some days I couldn't even put a finger on it specifically, which was frustrating. I'll just make a list of things that have come and gone or come and stayed:

-severe sacrum ache after lying flat on back (this happened even before pregnancy and into first trimester before I gained any weight, but pregnancy has made it worse)
- stuffed up nose, which makes me sneeze a bunch, which makes me pee my pants a little #14pairsofpantsaday
-feeling so tired at 7:30pm, you swear the clock is off and its 2:30am
-constipation
-diarrhea
-hemorrhoids
-sore abs, especially upper. Some mornings I wake up feeling like I did 4738954358 sit ups all night long (I'm worried about diastasis recti as well, so trying not to use my ab muscles much)
-food still never sounds good, not really any cravings
-sleep is hard some nights, I wake up for no reason (not even to go pee, my body just likes being awake at 4am)
-some scary, painful lower abdomen menstrual-like cramping (I told my doctor and he said nothing to worry about if they don't get closer together, so I guess its okay)
-shortness of breath. I breathe heavy when sitting, laying down, doing nothing, watching tv. I also tried to jog to the mailbox (about 100 yards) and back. Nope, never doing that again. Felt like I had a bowling ball ripping out of my belly, and my lungs couldn't take a full deep breath in and felt like I was breathing through a coffee straw.
-stomach skin itchiness, red bumps, hairyness. (No bare bump pictures for me!)
-acne. joy.
-heartburn. all the heartburn. Acid-y esophagus is not my jam.
-lightheaded and dizziness even when just chillin on the couch.
-so much overheating. I can't make it through church without getting SO HOT and nauseous. I haven't worn a coat all winter and love the cold air. I haven't been able to wear any of my sweaters all winter, which makes me sad cuz I got cute ones for Christmas. But I just get too overheated. I wish I could live in an igloo. I miss being freezing and having numb toes and snow (that's a whole 'nother story) and taking a hot bath and snuggling into a warm bed with a large comforter and fuzzy socks and still being freezing and shivering for the first bit while falling asleep. Miss it so much. I sleep with the window wide open, despite how cold Derek is (that's why we have extra blankets!) and am still wearing hardly any clothes and no blankets.
-hip pain at night from sleeping on my side and not much relief from a pillow between my legs. (I read it's because of the hormone Relaxin, which loosens all your ligaments to prepare for birth. I understand why, but still painful) I wake up feeling like a 90 year old lady. I wonder if that's what arthritis feels like.
-Derek has said I snore a lot in my sleep. Oops.
-tightness in stomach skin, I feel like I shouldn't stand up straight all the way some days for fear of ripping my stomach skin in half!
-just a general feeling of fatigue/malaise. It usually goes away in a few hours, so it doesn't justify staying home from work all day or anything, but I can hardly focus at work because I feel so not good/hungry/nauseous/stomachache/sore/tired etc etc. So I feel like I sound like a crazy person, especially to Derek (who I tell all my symptoms to) going back and forth during the day of "I feel so sick right now" to "I feel fine now" to "nope, stomach ache is back" to "life's good now"

But I haven't noticed (and Derek says he hasn't noticed either) any mood swings! Which is great! Yay!

Pet Peeve

I usually try and stay a generally positive person overall, but sometimes I'll have something bothering me that really drives me crazy that I can't get over without ranting about it. And this is fairly important to me and was really ruffling my feathers lately. So here goes...

Pet Peeve:
People who seem to emphasize the hard and bad parts of pregnancy, babyhood, and parenting. I know it will be hard. I know it will be exhausting. I know I'll be clueless. I know I'll feel like the worst mother ever. I don't know the exact details of everything but I am aware of the responsibility and hardship. We don't need to dwell on those aspects, especially when giving advice to new moms and compound the built up worries that are already in their head. Especially to me, a worry wart and an intense planner. I already got the feelings of inadequacy and regret (a tiny bit out of fear of the unknown future) and apprehension down myself, so if you could just hand out positive words to me like pretzels, that would be much appreciated. No, it isn't going to boost my ego or confidence so much that I will be in a state of delusion. Maybe for some people, but not for me. I worry and fear about big things in life by my nature so you rubbing it in with "your nipples are going to bleed" and "you will never sleep again" and "you will lost your sense of identity in taking care of children" and "you're going to be fat and saggy and exercising and eating right doesn't always fix it" and "your baby will rule your life and cry nonstop like mine, and when she does stop, you'll have another one" and "children are the hardest and most frustrating things on this entire planet" on and on IS NOT HELPING ME. If nothing was hard in life, then we wouldn't grow. I know I will grow and it will be hard. So hearing nightmare stories will give me anxiety. People also told me when I was engaged and first married, "oh the first year of marriage is the hardest, its such a difficult transition, get ready for that, cuz it sucks." They. were. totally. wrong. The first year of my marriage was one of the easiest years of our marriage and has been so happy after that as well. Hearing these negative (or so called "realistic") opinions only created unnecessary anxiety and worry. So stop please. Only positive vibes here.

So now I am very selective about what I read, who I listen to, and who I seek advice from. Because I am realizing that many, many people looove to try and scare the crap out of you because they had an awful experience of their own. Keep it to yourself.